Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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