atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
