I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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