so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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