We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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