Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
