i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
