I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
