I think I died a long time ago.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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