when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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