my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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