i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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