Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
