All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
