sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
