Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
