U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
