if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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