The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so let's talk penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
