Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
