Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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