just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
