I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
