Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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