I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
