Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
