I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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