Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
