after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
