Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
