Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
