The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
