I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
