hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
