At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
