I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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