When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
