I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
