Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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