Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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