I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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