it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
