I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
