Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
