I want to make a zoo with you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
