i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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