and she was petting her beer can
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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