We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
