when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
