the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
